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(March 22, 2002)

Ironing the world

When you're ironing, have you ever noticed how shirts which have seen a lot of ironing seem to fall into position much easier, especially on the arms?

It is one of my fondest hopes that nano-technology will have this effect on the world at large, and that hitherto cloddish and stubborn inanimate matter will become somehow more biddable. Maybe it will be even be possible to just casually move around without objects throwing themselves to the ground all about you.

I never could iron before, as it just seemed an impossible abstraction, trying to give 2 dimensional flatness to 3 dimensional curved objects. The solution is just to think of it as a series of Mercator projections, which obviously work better on small surfaces than on large ones. In other words, small movements and regular re-positioning of the garment. Easy when you know how.

As part of my ongoing campaign to translate human behaviour into a set of simple rules even I can interpret, I'd like some comments on this. Be anonymous if you want - in fact, anyone saying "I know just how he feels" must do, so I can maintain some illusions about them.

Here is something even pop-addled post-modernists like all of you can surely see is wrong.

And this is surely how the army should be.

posted by Jon 23:33
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